Rebuilding.

Waking up today was different than other days. Usually I'm dragged from my sleep because my parents yelling my name or my obscenely loud alarm. Today there was no yelling, no alarm. It was just me opening my eyes to the realization that I need change. Not that one thing specifically needs to change like my hair or nail polish color, but that everything in my life needs change. It was terrifyingly exhilarating. I climbed out of bed and began pulling, dragging everything and anything out of my room. Tearing posters off the walls, throwing my clothes out. Whatever my hands could grab was taken out of my room. I'm still not finished. While I was pulling everything out I made a list in my mind of what I want to accomplish by the end of the summer. I also thought about who I am at this moment in time. I'm going to write it all down so when the summer ends I can read it and see if anything has changed. But i can't right it now. Even as I'm typing this I'm taking everything off of my computer. Everything. I'm putting it all on CD. I want it clean and free of anything from and point before now. Except my music. The music stays. This is all; exhilarating, a catharsis. I love it. I want to revel in this feeling of complete freedom and transformation. I want to ingest it and inject it into my veins. I want it to swallow me whole and I want it to fill me up so I vomit it. I want it.

I've finished cleaning my computer. I'm going to finish my room.